The Vine News

Many women are caught up in the desperate and exhausting search for a husband, and losing sight of God’s promises in the process. Proverbs 18:22 says he who finds a wife finds a good thing! This means God arranged it so that a man would search for and find a wife, not the other way around. In her book, The Art of Being Found, author Cassandra Smalls Nicholson shares some lessons from this proverb we can all use to truly discover that if we will trust God and put Him first, He will fulfill the aching desires of our heart.

I poured through wedding magazines and fussed over hairdos, but never checked my intended’s integrity. I intensely studied the four C’s of a diamond -- cut, clarity, carat, and color, but barely skimmed the surface of his background -- salvation, work history, criminal check, credit worthiness.

The first lesson I had to learn to the art of being found? Make a conscious decision to not just look blessed, but to truly be blessed, indeed!

Blessed is a state of joy, not a new dress, new man or a pair of Bagley Mischka shoes.

There is something so beautiful about a woman who has learned to be truly content with whatever God has for her. A woman who is faithful over what she has already been given is positioning herself where God will surely multiply her efforts.

The next lesson is to learn that people express giving in various forms, and have various reasons for giving. We like to believe the man we are interested in is giving to express love, admiration, and respect, but realistically, many people give to get.

We’ve reduced ourselves to a barter system and we sell out to the highest bidder. When I was dating, the Lord spoke to me and told me I am worth more than what I was settling for, worth more than what I was allowing to be done to me.

If you are selling your time and your body, you are selling a piece of your soul. There is no amount that can be paid for your dignity or your pride. Psalm 139 says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. How do you reduce that down to a Big Mac and fries?

Now just because you will not be seeking, does not mean you do not have options. Low self-esteem leads us to date out of desperation, settling for whoever comes our way and shows us any attention. The enemy will use that desperation to take away or diminish your God-given right and capacity to choose a mate wisely.

In the book of Numbers 36:6 the Lord commands Moses to instruct the daughters of Zelophehad (strong, independent, wise women with inheritances) to let them marry whom they think best. Don’t just allow any ol’ body to come rolling up to you grinning “You are my wife!” God will have already confirmed His promise in your spirit.

Now, this is not to say that God does not lead men to their intended wives; however, God’s word (spoken or written) will line up with His Spirit (which now lives on the inside of both of you). And while this man is talking to you, recognize and listen to the Holy Spirit who is also talking to you, telling you yes or no.

Lastly, before you are ready to be found, the Lord needs you to be healed of past hurts. God desires for you to be made whole so that desperation or loneliness isn’t saying yes when you should be saying no; or fear and rejection saying no, when you should be saying yes!

If you are happy to attend strangers’ weddings, and you are constantly sizing up rental halls and floral arrangements, comparing it to your elusive, elaborate wedding day, you can feel what I’m trying to say. Seek peace about your marital status and trust God’s counsel that we do not know how to choose a mate specifically designed for us like He can.